Say it

That was the end of the road. He had to say something. She turned and gave him warm hug…he liked it. He always enjoyed the sensation he had when their chests were pressed that close together. He looked into her eyes. Her big eyes. He thought how beautiful they were. He remembered how the eyes had first attracted him to her. He always kept it to himself. He just stares blankly into her big beautiful eyes… he does not realize it but he gets lost in them. She looks so very pristine, with her hair, braided, pushed neatly toward the back save for two…the two lonely strands…one atop each eye, hovering, and sometimes crossing each other…beautiful, he thought. Her red lips just sat there…he fought every wish of his body to plant a kiss right there….how could he? They were in public…and that was Kenya. He came back to his senses…well half of his senses. It was 10 o’clock on a Monday evening. He was nowhere near his home…no closer to his bed. He was carrying luggage…a big black suitcase. It seemed small…but looks deceive. It weighed him down, literally. It was heavy…but he wrestled with it as though his very existence depended on it. He had to try…he was not the strongest guy in the world…he always doubted if he could even make the top half…but try was all he had to. He was a shadow of what he used to be before he met her. He ate different, he walked different, he talked different…he was different. He was oblivious of it. He thought of the one thing he wouldn’t do for this belle standing in front of him…he found only one, he would never leave her. In a moment of weakness he wondered just if she would do the same for him. That if she held him as dear just as he did. If she would catch a grenade for him, or maybe just a stone. His own conscience betrayed him. Cursed him out. Spat at his thoughts and called him stupid for having them. His conscience knew better, he thought. In his mind he had a good thing, despite the grapevine he heard. He only cared about one person’s opinions. He wants to tell her that she is the best thing that has happened to him yet. He wishes to tell her that she is and always will be the better part of his day. He wishes to tell her that as he looks into her eyes, it is like the very first time he looked into them. It dawns on him that 3 weeks without seeing her would seem an eternity to him. He wishes to tell her that he would miss her…very much. But he doesn’t say it. He wishes to tell her that she meant the world to him. She has his heart and he knows this. He doesn’t say it. He has the words, he has the courage, he has the moment but the heart, he is without. The heart to take what would ensue after he said those three letters. The heart to be in love alone. He hears his name. What a lovely voice. He has been rescued from her eyes. It has been 5 minutes and he just stood there. She hears her ticket number called out. She starts to let go…he doesn’t want her to but he has to. Time was running out, he had one last shot…he arranged his words, mastered up his courage, took a deep breath,”Goodbye!”. She walked away, gracefully. He hoped it wasn’t the last time he saw her. He was gutted at himself, ashamed if you may. He promised himself that he would do things differently next time, but would he really?